Something I wrote a while back

...A couple of days have gone by with no phone call or no type of trace...
...she asks of you every once in a blue moon not as often as a child should  ...I hate to say it but I would like for you to stay gone...
..you've done nothing but cause damage and you seem to do everything  wrong...
...I just want for you to move on and do as you please since thats what you have been doing since she has been born...
...My little girl is my world nothing or no one will ever take her place...
...and you to be her "FATHER" the first man a lil girl is to love you've always turned
your back...And it hurts me because time is something you can never take back
...she does not yet understand but soon one day she will...
...and the joy she has in her eyes when you are mentioned will then be killed...
...Im tired of her saying "mommy you mean" when she ask's wheres my daddy and all I can say is daddy is "bI dont know.."
...I dont want the lies,and tears and promises to be continued the kniving stories and the selfishness its nothing new...
...Mommy is always there when she sheds a tear...Scrapes her knee...I will never ever leave my baby...
..I wish she meant as much to you as she does to me she is the best thing that has came into my life and i am blessed each day to wake up to her beautiful smile and big pretty brown eyes...
...she has helped mold me into a wonderful strong mother,and a best friend...
..she has taught me to cherish the smaller things and never give up...
...Now Im not living for one Im living for her too her needs will always be a priority something that you've never seen or even cared to cater to...
...Just know this I will never try to make the memories of you Erase she will always have a special place for you...
...When she is older and understands she will chose what it is she wants to do...
...but Im done I've washed my hands of you Im tired of the bullshit and games...
...nothing will ever be the same you've changed for the worse and you need to realize in life there is no turning back...
...whats done is done and you just need to grow up and get your life right get bk on track..
...but who am I to say or dictate what you should or should'nt do...
...just know that I'm not the one to look down upon you and judge you...
I've lost the little respect I've ever had for you...Im done im tired no more words to be said...
Jordyn Janae will have the last word in the end...I struggle on a daily as a single mother
I blame you for my tears, and for not being able to do as much as I please, But I blame you no more
because I was warned and told that this might come about. But trust and believe with god all things are possible and it might be raining now but trust I always pull through the worse and come out shining and my babygirl will make sure of it because ever since she has came into my life
there is always a reason for mommy to be smiling!!

love you baby girl
July 31st, 2009

Update

Well it has been a while since I have blogged and that has been due to me moving, and starting a new chapter in my life with my daughter, and a wonderful man. I am 15 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby and still building towards success. I am honestly at a wonderful point in my life still with the everyday stresses, but hey I am still alive with a Healthy family and a wonderful surprise on the way so why complain. This year I have set some very high goals for myself with so much on my plate, But with my mindset I know I am able to do what I set my mind to. It is very exciting for me to be a mother of two and still do all what I have always dreamed of. God has truely blessed me with wonderful motivating people in my life, I am building new friendships burning old friendships that were never healthy to me. I can truely say that I am growing up in all ways that have been needed for me to grow up. Yes I still do makeup, Yes I am still a Graphic Artist, Yes I am still a Model, and all of the above I am still the postive minded young woman ready to take on the world. Thanks to those who read even tho I may bore you. The next blog will be a letter to my unborn child and my baby girl who is soon to be four.


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